Boundaries are kind. No boundaries are unkind.
Boundaries can be hard to set for many reasons. Sometimes it can feel like rejection or abandonment. Sometimes we see boundaries as walls, something rigid, when boundaries actually allow for permeability. The greatest challenge we have with boundaries, especially when we are new to it, is to make the boundary for ourselves, not for someone else. In their most basic form boundaries are; “What’s okay for me?” and “What’s not okay for me?” Using “I statements” when we set boundaries can help to keep the focus on our ability to hold space for ourselves vs trying to get someone else to hold space for us.
While it can seem counterintuitive, boundaries allow for healthy interpersonal connection in all of our relationships. It operates on the principal of ‘We can’t give what we don’t have’. If we are kind to ourselves we will be kind to others.
Boundaries are kind; first to ourselves so that we can be kind to others.