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Boundaries are kind. No boundaries are unkind.
Boundaries can be hard to set for many reasons. Sometimes it can feel like rejection or abandonment. Sometimes we see boundaries as walls, something rigid, when boundaries actually allow for permeability. The greatest challenge we have with boundaries, especially when we are new to it, is to make the boundary for ourselves, not for someone else. In their most basic form boundaries are; “What’s okay for me?” and “What’s not okay for me?” Using “I statements” when we set boundaries can help to keep the focus on our ability to hold space for ourselves vs trying to get someone else to hold space for us. While it can seem counterintuitive, boundaries allow for healthy interpersonal connection in all of our relationships. It operates on the principal of ‘We can’t give what we don’t have’. If we are kind to ourselves we will be kind to others. Boundaries are kind; first to ourselves so that we can be kind to others. Happy. Sad. Mad. Glad. Angry. Jealous. Scared. Hurt. Worried. Ashamed.
We’ve all felt these emotions – sometimes even in the course of a single day! We are complex humans with complex emotions, and sometimes that can feel really overwhelming! When our emotions get uncomfortable it can be really tempting to push them away, ignore them, or stuff them down. We THINK that doing this will lessen the hold that these emotions have over us – but the OPPOSITE is actually true! When we avoid uncomfortable emotions we actually feel them MORE energy and make them stronger! That’s why it is so important to feel your feelings – ALL of your feelings. Sitting with distressing emotions can be really uncomfortable – here are your step by step instructions on how to ride the emotional tide: 1. Observe the emotion and notice where you feel it in your body 2. Call the emotion by it’s name (“This is anxiety”) 3. Accept that it’s there without judgment 4. Get curious about is (“I wonder what triggered this feeling”) 5. Let go of need to control and watch how even overwhelming feelings ebb and flow Feeling disconnected from your feelings OR having trouble managing difficult ones? Worth It Therapists Jennifer and Rebecca are here to help! Mindfulness is one of those buzz words that seems to be everywhere right now. But with everybody talking about it, no one really seems to be able to explain what it is or why it is so important. So what is Mindfulness, really? Mindfulness is paying attention to the here and now, on purpose, without judgment. Simple as that. When we are practicing mindfulness we are bringing the present moment into our full awareness. We are observing our senses, our physical sensations, and our emotional landscape, and being present with whatever we notice – good, bad, or ugly. Sometimes that is very pleasant, sometimes it is can be very uncomfortable. But why is it important? Practicing mindfulness is one the best ways to engage your brains plasticity – it’s ability to stretch and change itself. It is plasticity that allows our brains to rewire in order to learn new patterns and unlearn old ones. When we are chronically stressed (and who isn’t!?) our brains remember that and respond reactively according to old patterns. Practicing mindfulness allows the brain to focus on the here and now rather than reverting to old, stressed out patterns. What does this mean for you? It means mindfulness can actually help your brain create new neural pathways to experience CALM. There are lots of helpful tools and techniques out there to help you build your mindfulness practice. Need some help building or fine-tuning your mindfulness practice? Schedule an appointment today!
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AuthorRebecca Ray, LCSW Archives
November 2022
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